


You'll Surely Hear Our Youth

by ninata



Category: Dangan Ronpa
Genre: (they dead), Body Horror, Emetophobia, M/M, endgame spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-21
Updated: 2014-11-21
Packaged: 2018-02-26 10:51:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2649275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninata/pseuds/ninata
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finally youth is budding, I love this pleasant feeling / You’re really here (It’s always lovely) / And I’m really here for you</p>
            </blockquote>





	You'll Surely Hear Our Youth

The last thing you wanted to see was his face again. Not this soon.

Red drips down his face, his left eye rolled back. He looks like Hell, but you aren’t any better, veins lit up in neon and translucent skin.

When he sees you, he just stands there. He doesn’t run to you, he doesn’t cry, he doesn’t say your name. The name that was uttered so many times before the Wipe, the name caught between bed sheets and hanging around scarves and puffs of hot breath in the icy frost of winter. You want to hear it again, you want to remember that smile, you want to see that gap between his big front teeth and the way his forehead crinkles when the corners of his lips pull up.

He doesn’t move. His jaw is slack, his one eye staring directly into yours.

So you move. You rush to him, wrapping him up in your arms, linking around his shoulders. The way you used to before, back when he’d reciprocate and rest his hands on the small of your back. You wait for that, wait for him to bury his face in your shoulder, wait for him to sob or laugh or something, anything.

But nothing happens. He continues to remain motionless.

"Kiyotaka," You say, feeling your eyes sting already. "Kiyotaka, it’s me! It’s me, dude! C’mon, say somethin’. Don’tcha remember?"

Silence.

It can’t be that he’s still forgotten, has he? He…still doesn’t remember? Every moment you held together?

Remembering was the worst part. Knowing he had become more than just some weird kid you befriended. Knowing he became a good friend, a great friend, a best friend, even more than that…

The fact he was your first kiss, with sweaty hands and red faces and the sweetest smile you had ever seen. The fact he held your hand, he laced your fingers together and leaned on your shoulder and shut his eyes, while you shook with the effort not to claim his lips for your own. The fact he gazed at you with half lidded eyes, lying next to you in bed, sunsets squinting, curled around you and whispering secrets and promises of eternities.

He was your everything. He became your world. He became the most important person you’d ever met, the most wonderful, stupid, ridiculous asshole that stole your heart. You had forgotten, but never again.

"Hey," You pull back, wiping blood off his cheek. "Remember? Us?"

He stares forward. You wave you hand in front of his face. “Kiyotaka?”

He wavers. His hands shoot up too late, and he vomits all over your front.

You shriek in horror, thrown for a loop. What the— What the fuck?! “W-What the fuck was that for!?” You yell, and he just collapses on the ground in a heap, sucking in air desperately. You’re next to him in a second, and he’s trembling terribly. Maybe it’s…too much for him to take in? He isn’t angry, is he? He remembers, right? He’s happy he remembers, right? Even if— Even if it’s too soon, too impossibly soon for him to be here, maybe he can— you can both still—

He screams, slapping your hands away. He can’t keep the scream for long, however, so he gasps between sounds, failing to vocalize. It dissolves into erratic sobs, and no matter how hard you try to touch him or pat his back or bring him into a hug, he pushes you away and retreats further into himself.

You have no idea what to do. You thought he’d just blubber and run at you and you’d hug and kiss and flowers would bloom all around you or something. You didn’t ever realize that he’d actually be this upset when you saw him again.

"Taka, h-hey—"

"DON’T!"

Tears bubble up and dribble down his face from both eyes, the one rolled back twitching and pained. It’s kind of gross. You want to hold him. God, you want to hold him. Even if you’re. Kind of covered in vomit.

You don’t know what to say. He just won’t stop crying. You kind of want to ask why he’s dead, you want to comfort him, you want to recount all the times you shared just to make sure they’re real. You want to brush away all the blood and kiss, like, all of his face, every part of it. Oh God. All the old feelings flood back, how his breath smells like mint and something metallic, how his hands are so dry and rough, his short thumbs, how he bumps your noses together and grins with all the world’s summers combined into one. How he goes “er” instead of “um”, how he picks at the skin around his nails, how he cuts his own hair, shaved in the back, how he furrows his brow all the time until you press the frown lines away and kiss him there.

It actually pains you to remember all these tiny, meaningless details, accumulated over two years of meeting, being friends, even…dating. But it makes you happy, y’know? You want it to make him happy, too.

"…H-Hey, Taka, please. Talk to me?" You ask, yet, at the same time, he doesn’t seem capable of speech. His breathing is all too fast, he digs his nails into his scalp, into the source of the thick globs of blood. "No no, hey, please, d-don’t do that. Look at me! Hey! Taka? Please. Taka, jus’ look at me, okay? Talk."

He draws closer into himself, pained noises filling the air as he tries to speak. He’s making a valiant effort, sobbing the whole way.

"A-Aren’t— Aren’t you— A-Ar-Ar-Aren’t you—"

"Aren’t I what?"

"A-A-Aren’t you…m-ma…m-mad at me?"

…Huh?

"Wh— What do you mean? Why would I be mad at you?"

"B-Becau— Bec-cause— B-Because I— I l-l-let you— I— I—!"

He coughs, bile dripping out of his mouth. Gross. Really gross. Do you actually want to kiss him if he’s vomiting all over the place? Maybe like. Later…after he brushes his teeth. Your shirt is uncomfortably sticky. You’re trying not to think about it.

"I l-let you— I let you d-d-d-die!"

Oh. That.

Well, not really “Oh. That.” but like…oh. That.

Chihiro seemed pretty chill about it. Especially after your apologized profusely and bowed low to the ground and even ended up shedding a few tears (much to your chagrin). It was a horrible, horrible mistake, a horrible mistake that you paid for in the way that it warranted, and now…

Well, now you’re just dead. Not much to say about that.

"Well, s’not—"

"I L-LET YOU DIE! I-I let them take you, e-even when, e-e-even when I, even, w-when I w-wanted, t-to, t-to, I-I d-didn’t want t-to let you go, I—"

"Shh, shh! Hey, c’mon, it’s fine, okay? All water under the bri—"

"NO! I-IT ISN’T! I LET YOU DIE, I LET ENOSHIMA-KUN DRAG YOU TO YOUR DEATH, A-AND THEN, SHE, YOUR BODY, SHE T-TOOK IT AND M-MELTED IT DOWN AND I… I..!"

Well, that part is kind of funny to look back on. It hurt like Hell, though.

"Dude, you couldn’t’ve done anythin’. They’d just’ve killed you too—"

"THAT DOESN’T MATTER! I-I SHOULD HAVE REGARDLESS! WHAT K-KIND OF FRIEND— WHAT K-K-KIND OF— OF— LOVER—”

So he does remember! This significantly improves things. Sort of. For you, at least. But he seems pretty upset.

The more recent memories swirl around your head. You weren’t even able to look him in the eye. It was too painful. Admitting you had failed yet another brother…Hell, to think he cared enough that he was sobbing like that, even when he didn’t remember. You had failed, you’d fucked up, you ruined your chance at life and now you were stuck in this limbo where you look all weird and jacked up.

He was so hurt, and, well, it’s only fair he be upset.

If you were stupid, you’d ask “But why is he blaming himself?” But you know better than that. You’ve known him for two years. This is what he does. He always takes it on himself, he always acts like everything is his fault. It’s…sad. It’s really sad.

Holy fucking shit, you want to kiss him. You really do. You really, really, really do. He’s just sitting there bawling his eyes out and you want to kiss him. But what if he gets mad? What if he freaks out? What if you mess up, and it’s gross? Does he even want to kiss you? What if he pukes in your mouth?

So you sit there like a fucking idiot, rubbing his back, which he permits for now. You sigh. This wasn’t how you wanted your reunion to go.

"I…I-I’VE FAILED YOU, I-I-I’VE DONE WORSE THAN THAT! I-I NEVER— I N-NEVER WANTED, T-T-TO SEE YOU, Y-YOU, TO SEE YOU, TO S-SEE YOU, S-S-SUFFERING, LIKE THAT, I..!"

"Hey, hey. I’m tellin’ you, s’okay. Taka, I don’t blame you at all. You couldn’t’ve done a damn thing. It was my failure, okay? Not yours."

He chokes on his tears, and finally, finally, thank God, he leans onto you and into your (clean) shoulder. You keep rubbing his back.

"I-IT WAS MY FAULT! I-I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN…I-I SHOULD HAVE S-S-STOPPED YOU, S-SHOULD HAVE BEEN A B-BETTER F-F-FRIEND, I W-WANTED TO S-SAVE YOU B-BUT I JUST S-SAT THERE AND, AND, AND…"

His eyes flicker.

"I-I WAS…I-I WAS WEAK…I WAS UNABLE TO F-FULFILL MY DUTY AS YOUR K-KYOUDAI…AND I…I-I HATE…I HATE…KIYOTAKA ISHIMARU…!"

His nails drag down your collarbone. You are at a loss of what to do, so you rub his back a little more aggressively. Pat pat pat. His hand clenches around the neckline of your vomit-soaked shirt.

"HE WAS SO DISGUSTINGLY WEAK…H-HE COULDN’T SAVE…HE C-C-COULDN’T SAVE THE MOST IMPORANT PERSON…H-HE HAD EVER MET…H-HE COULDN’T SAVE YOU…A-AND HE’S…DISGUSTING…!"

"No, no no no no. Hey, Taka, don’t say that, c’mon. How was I even important? You…neither of us remembered anythin’. You ain’t disgustin’ cuz I got my ass killed—"

"YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND! I-I’M NOT…I’M NOT HIM…I-I REFUSE TO BE HIM! I-I CANNOT BE HIM, I CAN’T, I, I…!"

It feels like his eyes are burning into your shoulder. You look down, and his hair has gone stark white. What…the fuck? When did that happen? No, seriously, what the flying fuck? How is he doing that?

"I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM, I HATE HIM, I HATE HIM, I HATE HIM, I HATE HIM!!! I-I REFUSE TO BE THAT PERSON! I…I’LL BE BETTER, MONDO! I’LL PROVE MYSELF! T-THAT I’M..WORTHY…O-OF YOUR FORGIVENESS…T-THAT I’M NOT GARBAGE, THAT I’M NOTHING LIKE THAT IDIOT KIYOTAKA—"

"Dude, you’re not garbage! You’re none of that! Holy shit, you know I don’t care about that! Taka, I ain’t mad, not even a little! I…I-I should be the one apologizin’, jus’ leavin’ you there without even sayin’ sorry…"

"IT ISN’T YOUR FAULT, YOU PROBABLY DIDN’T WANT TO WASTE YOUR TIME ON SOMEONE WHO COULDN’T EVEN SAVE YOU. IT’S…IT’S FINE!"

"No, it ain’t! Listen to me, okay!? I forgive you already! You don’t need to do anythin’ to earn it! S’my fault, not yours!" You say, exasperated. You’ve pulled back a bit, trying to look him in the eye, and he stares back with a manic expression. It’s like flames are coming out of his eyes. "Why are you even dead, anyway!? The fuck happened?!"

He looks put off by this question. As if you’re distracting him from the point, or something. His brow furrows, and the urge to kiss away the wrinkles rises.

"I let them kill me! But that doesn’t matter!" He grips onto your shoulders. "I didn’t wanna live anymore if it meant I’d hafta go on without you!"

"Wh— WHAT?! DUDE, WHAT THE FUCK?! YOU GOT YOURSELF KNOCKED OFF SO YOU COULD SEE ME AGAIN!?"

"Nah, I didn’t even think I’d see ya again. I was just sick of all the bullshit, y’know?"

"…Why the fuck are you talkin’ like me?"

"Besides the point. Either way, someone came up behind me and knocked me over the head with something."

"Do you even know who?"

"Nope! Didn’t look."

"…Jesus Christ." It’s…it’s way too much to take in. That he died solely because he didn’t want to live without you. That’s too much. "But you didn’t even remember me! Taka, why would you…"

A smile pulls at his features. His smiles were always so awkward, so strange on his face, but so handsome. You feel a tug in your stomach. He looks so sad, yet that smile is enough to melt your heart.

"Aren’t we brothers?"

You stare at him, with his glimmering bloodshot eyes, the sparks flying off of them and he, he just looks like it doesn’t even matter to him, that he’s totally cool with dying just because you died. He didn’t even fucking remember! And he just…he just…gave up.

He gave up because of you. He was so eager to become the prime minister, he was so eager to succeed, to bring honor to his family name, to make the world a better place. And he just…gave up on all of it. Because you went and got yourself executed, because you couldn’t deal with your own demons and you crushed Chihiro’s head in. He decided it wasn’t worth it anymore, and basically just…offed himself.

Why? Why you? Were you the last straw? His life had been shit before Hope’s Peak, you knew that. Losing you as a friend…did it really warrant death?

Your hands are shaking. You reach out, clutching on gently to the fabric of his uniform. You lean in, and you bring your lips together.

He smells like puke. His lips are sticky. Cold. He’s so cold, he’s so horribly cold. You shut your eyes.

When you pull back, his brow isn’t furrowed anymore. He looks dumbfounded.

So you kiss him again.

You kiss him over and over, over and over and over. Peppering him with kisses. Trying to make up for all the time you didn’t kiss him, trying to make up, somehow, as if you ever could, for all the heartache you caused him. It isn’t fair, it isn’t fucking fair. He never deserved this.

When you finally open your eyes, his hair isn’t white anymore. There are tears in his eyes. You kiss him again.

"M-Mondo…"

He presses the heels of his palms into his eyes. You peel them away, pressing kisses to his knuckles, his fingers. You want to make him smile, just one more time, without looking so sad. You want to make him happy. You want back those mundane times where you had snowball fights, went swimming in the school pool, made Valentine’s chocolates together, when he wrapped a scarf around your neck and scolded you for not dressing properly for the weather. You want back Hope’s Peak, you want back a world that wasn’t wrecked by revolution.

"Taka, I…I…" You swallow, because it’s, it’s really so hard to say it again, after all this time. It was hard enough to work up the courage to kiss him. But you have to. You need to. He deserves that much. "K-Kiyotaka, I love you."

This time he kisses you, and you feel those familiar butterflies. It’s one thing to kiss someone, but to have them kiss you, to have him lean into you and, and…

Nothing is fair. None of it. But you think, maybe, if you have him, maybe that’s okay.

"I…love you too, Mondo."

That’s all you needed to hear.

You could never apologize enough to him for forgetting. You could never understand how he could have ever let himself die because of you. You wish he hadn’t, and you kick yourself for being glad he’s here.

But from now on, you’re gonna make ‘em happy. That’s a promise. A man’s promise!

A promise you’ll never break.


End file.
